still working

I’m adding a couple of new pieces here. My brother, Johnny, gave me the wooden duck. He found it in a thrift shop. It was brown, and the bill was cracked. The phrase “Ugly Duckling” applied to this poor wooden thing regardless of age. Ugly, ugly. I love projects like that! My photography isn’t good enough and it will eventually get to the pro, Eli, but for now I wanted him to be seen in his new persona.

The blue gourd bowl with the orange petals is a project using a medium called Powertex. It hardens fabric and can be even left outside. I’m still workign with it, and I have some new ideas for using Powertex. It’s also hot. I got home and wanted to work on some furniture. The duck has got me itching to work with a couple of stools and some tables, some chairs, that I ahve been eyeing al;l winter. But it was so hot when I got home…yeah, I pansied out. After a few minutes of lackluster sanding I decided to see how I feel tomorrow. Somebody slap me. I should be more disciplined than this….I’m also behind on my writing. Again, somebody send me a literary smack on the head. I need some inspiration, encouragement, something to get me out of the “don’t give a shit” I’m in right now!

Tomorrow, tomorrow.

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6 responses to “still working

  1. Elisa Schulman

    Kathleen, I love these new ducks! I absolutely love, love the colors! And I miss you girl. You are a very talented artist and don’t worry about having the, ” I don’t give a shits” right now. You DO have plenty of discipline. I could easily tell that when I met you and we hung out some. Your attitude will change, just give it a little time. Keep on going girlfriend. If you still have my number, use it!

    • katiewritesagain

      Elisa
      Thanks for the support. Work has been rough (I know, I know. Everyone has the right to bitch about work!) I sometirms let my life pile up behind me and it spills over into the present…and then I’m overwhelmed with a sense of failure and hopelessness. So give me a kick in the ass. Buddha says “Life is suffering.” Desire is the root of suffering. You know, desire for enough money to pay the rent, desire for enough time to make art and write, unencumbered. Life offers chances for all sorts of desire and when we can’t get it, we suffer. So, if I’m going to choose life, I must accept suffering as part of the gig, no? Anyway, call me! I had to get another phone and all my numbers have been lost.

  2. Hey Aunt Kathy.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself! You are such a hard worker, and I admire you for that. So many people use the saying that goes something like, ‘if you care about something you will make time for it.’ I say BALOGNA!!!! You can’t ‘make time’. I understand what they are saying and know their intentions are good, but it is physically and scientifically impossible to ‘make time.’ No matter how much you love and/or care about something, you STILL only have 24 hours in the day. SORRY. We have no control over that! Just because someone WANTS or NEEDS 8 hours of sleep a night and then HAS TO work 8-10 hours during the day, let’s add an hour for driving to and from work…that is already taking up 17 hours of your day. You say…7 left…no problem? Well you have to eat…don’t you? so, let’s add an hour for your ‘lunch hour’ at work. This brings it to 6 hours of ‘free time’ left. then, let’s say your supper takes up another hour. That’s 5 left. we’ll go light on the food preparation segment of time that life takes up, since we have had that discussion before, and let’s only allot .5 for that. So…4.5 left. And let’s say it only takes you .5 hours to get ready. So. 4 hours left. Well, it was a hot day. You are sticky. You have been working all day. let’s say you want to take a shower. oops…3.5 left. Now, this is based on an 8 hour work day. let’s say, for the sake of argument…you had to work 10 hours today instead. that’s 1.5 left. let’s say that you have a project you want to do. You get all of your stuff out, start looking it over. After analyzing it, you realize this project is going to take you at least 2 hours to complete. Guess what? Getting ready to do it and analyzing it just took you 30 minutes. That means you only have 1 hour left in the day. You start to wonder if you should start it and do 1 hour worth of work and then do the other hour the next day or when you get time, or if you should just wait until you have the full 2 hours.

    I realize this is a REALLY simplistic way of looking at things. And that you can move things around…over-compensate…give up things…make sacrifices, etc. But I think my point is pretty clear in how I am trying to illustrate the fallacy of this ‘illusion’ of being able to ‘make time’. I know that not everyone’s life works that way, but mine sure does! I have all of these awesome things that I want to get done…but they take 2 hours AT LEAST to do them. And somehow, at the end of the day…it’s a choice. If I do it, that means that I won’t get 8 hours of sleep. Or I could start it and finish it later. The problem with my stuff that a lot of it is stuff that needs to be started or finished at one time. Sometimes, it is stuff that CAN be broken up into more than one time to start and finish it, BUT…preparation for it takes time, so the more times I do it, the more time getting the whole thing done takes. And also, some of the things I do…I could do them breaking them up into parts, but then, if I did that, the results wouldn’t be quite as good.

    Use some of the substances you use as an example. let’s say you need to get a substance on there, and then you need to immediately do something else to it before it dries. That means that if you start it, you have to get to at least that part in the project/process.

    Anyway, I know I’m ranting. Sorry. I wish you could just do your art. I wish we could both get to a place where we could just do what we really wanted to do. I am honestly NOT asking to be rich…ever. I mean, if it fell out of the sky…sure. I woudln’t turn it down. But I just want enough to be able to pay my bills and be a full-time stay-at-home mom again. I miss that…and I miss her…like crazy. Ever day that I go to work, I miss her like crazy. I hate being away from her. The only thing, really, that keeps me going…especially some days…is knowing I am basically doing it FOR her and that there is actually an end in sight.

  3. Niecy
    You get it!! The fact is that there are certain thing we all must do every day. Some days, when I get home, I just want to cut up some raw veggies, settle back and watch a movie with my cat on my lap. I don’t apologize for it, I just try to recognize it for what it is and not fall into a habit of doing it every day. My art and writing are too important to me.
    Thanks for reading-and understanding!

  4. Definitely! I am so glad you have your art. It helps you, it helps you be the person you are, it helps you BE. That is so important. Having a man or not having one? Not important. One of my sisters always has a man. Another friend of mine…if she is not with a man…not happy! I have lost her and so many other friends of mine when they ‘got a man’ all of a sudden. I have always, always TRIED no matter what, if I had a man or not, to sustain the friendships I had managed to obtain throughout my life. I have seen many women in my lifetime lose their identity up in a man. Even though I have been heavily involved with men, and loved them with my whole heart, and was dedicated to them to no end, I have always tried not to allow my identity become wrapped up in a man, and to not lose friendships or not have time with my friends over any man.

    I have always tried to hold the reins in the relationship ALONG SIDE and WITH the man. Tried to maintain my part of the control. This goes along with the idea of not losing friendships or identity in a relationship…I would make sure he understood that if there was anything I would have to change to be with him and anything I would not be able to do that I had previously done to be with him and/or any friends I couldn’t hang out with or have time to hang out with him, then there was probably a girl out there who was better suited for him.

    One recent example of how a sister let her man come before all else in a way that was inappropriate is on father’s day this year, when I tried to plan a father’s day that actually catered to my father’s interest instead of something that would be convenient for me to do because I didn’t want to inconvenience the man in my life. But no…my sister decided that her boyfriend…her new man (she had only been with him a couple of weeks), wanted to spend the day with his father, and she wanted to, too…and of course, she wanted to see my father for a little while, so he coundn’t be away doing something he actually enjoyed and would want to do. (My father has horses, which he loves, and I had planned a father’s day weekend stay at this bed and breakfast ranch that had horses and horseback riding…it was a farm, and one of the activities was riding horseback out to a sunrise near the mountians. Which sounded like a dream to me, and especially to my father, who loves horses and horseback rides).

    And since my parents choose to favor a sister who is so inconsiderate, guess whose plans get thrown out the window? Guess whose plans get preferrential treatment? I try not to tear myself up over it…it just really mystifies me, the whole situation.

    Ok….off my soapbox. And sometimes, watching that movie can help with your writing and/or art, especially if it is a good movie. You can draw inspiration from it; it can inspire you. Kind of like when we watched Amelie…remember all the vibrant colors in that movie? If it’s a good movie, it can give you a good example of how a good story is put together and executed, and can give you ideas for characters, and things you want your characters to do in your own stories.

  5. katiewritesagain

    Reta, I’ve been thinking a little about your comment. You know, it seems the more you try to please someone, the more they appreciate someone else! You sister wants to please the man of the moment, and your parents want to please her. I don’t know why we want most what appears the most inaccessable, but there it is.
    Maybe inaccessable denotes more value (?) Maybe people with self-love issues need to please those who need it least to prove to themselves they are worthy. You know, the old Woody Allen thing that he wouldn’t want to join a club that would have him as a member. It may sound amusing…but think about it. It’s so pathetic. I think too many of us measure our value by who will have us. I know I’ve done it. And been devastated by the rejection I guaranteed myself in the end.
    Keep reminding yourself that your worth as a person does not depend on what man you’re keeping company with, but by how you live your life. And how you treat others.

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