OK, I got the over 50 thing off my chest and I promise not to gripe anymore. It is what it is and I’m dealing with it. I want to get on to better things. My art. My writing. Hopefully feedback from friends!
It’s Valentine’s Day! Unfortunately, it seems to be another blatenly commercial excuse for spending money. It also strikes me as a sad statement on contemporary relationships.
I remember women in an office where I worked obviously chalking up whose husband was the best depending on how long it took the flowers to show up on Valentine’s Day-and how elaborate the arrangement was. They even compared notes on how much “reminding” they’d had to do in the days prior to Valentine’s Day. It was also made clear to anyone listening (and by the end of the day I sure wished I wasn’t) that the expense and size of the flower arrangement would be mirrored in the length and quality of the sex that night. Oh, please, I prayed, let me go deaf for just this one day!!!
They asked me (it was my first Valentine’s day there) where my flowers were when lunchtime came and went with no arrival of red roses. I shrugged and said (the truth) “we do that kind of stuff at home.”
“Oh, so in other words you don’t get flowers?” the woman asking smirked and rolled her eyes knowingly at the others sitting nearby.
She complained, on a regular basis, about her husband. About everything- his lack of willingness to help with their two small children, how he had to be reminded to mow the lawn, wash the car, how she found sales receipts hidden in the garage because he didn’t want her to know how much he paid for the new drill. I looked at this woman and thought “Poor thing.”
“I don’t know,” I replied, turning back to work, “we always have fun on Valentine’s but it’s just something between us.” I didn’t know what else to say. She shook her head and told me I hadn’t “trained” him yet.
I’m not saying that every woman handles Valentine’s Day this way. And no, my marriage didn’t work out, but it wan’t because of Valentine’s Day. I still believe that Valentine’s Day is a sweet thought that has grown grotesque and swollen. I still believe that Valentine’s Day should be a private, romantic moment bewteen 2 people-not a Roses and Candy derby held at the office.
Maybe eventually I’ll be in a relationship again and Valentine’s Day will be what it used to be for me-an opportunity to say “You mean everything to me. Here’s something for you to hold in your hand or your heart to remind you of that when I’m not with you-or when we’ve had a fight-or whenyou just want to feel special.” That’s what Valentine’s Day means to me . I hope I will be able to share that with someone again.