Bamboo is the new wood

I’m listening to comics, my neighbors, people in the grocery store, near me in a  restaurant, I’m reading newspapers, watching CNN and you know what?

I’m tired of the same old shit that may have been funny once but after years of thinking about this stuff, it just gets on my nerves.

I miss George Carlin.

For years I’ve been laughing out loud at the relationship jokes. Inside, I’ve been hearing those jokes over and over and they’ve been fermenting.

You know, the ones about women are from Venus, men are from Mars? No, we aren’t; we’re all from planet EARTH.

I finally realized we laugh at all that crap to jusitfy the stupid shit we do and put up with!

You know how male comedians drawl about how their wives either can’t or won’t cook or won’t give them blowjobs and that’s why men cheat…or how their wives always remember their birthday so they live in terror of forgetting her birthday even though they remember every hole of golf they EVER shot … you know that bit. And they end up explaining that they are “wired” to cheat and disregard anything they don’t find important so it’s not their fault and we should giggle and muss their hair and sigh with happiness that he finds his way home…most of the time.

After all, they’re really just little boys with pockets full of rocks and snails.

I don’t know about you, but it creeps me out to contemplate sex with a child.

Then the female comedians rant about their husbands forgetting their anniversary, or running into the stewed tomato dispayy in the grocery store because he was gawking at some teenager in hip huggers. The comedian tells us about her husband who spent $400 on a  golf club and shrieked when he saw the price tag on the shoes she bought for work in the snobby uptown office. But then she ends the story telling how gooey she got when he got all teary-eyed at their baby’s birth.  (We don’t need any more people!!!)

He gagged at the first diaper change and remained a breathing corpse through the baby’s endless middle-of-the-night feedings (though both parents had to get up for work.) Then she brags about working all day, doing the housework-like women should receive a medal.

This is not a man-hater rant, so don’t bust my chops with a bunch of  “boy, you must be a dyke or something.” This is a rant about accepting less than adult behavior-just to say we’re in a  relationship.

Can’t we evolve past our primal programming any better than this?

Some of us have opted out of the baby derby. Life can be just as rewarding without multiplying or even being in a committed relationship. You know what else? We don’t have to justify living with a Neanderthal (or a shrew) no matter how cute they are.

I’ve got a cat.

Something else-these trendy slogans …”60 is the new 40.” I remember when 40 used to seem so old. Now that a lot of us are 40+ we’re still using an age for old! 60 is 60!! I’m healthy, bright and I’m learning stuff all the time. I know lots of people of different ages and I do everything that I did at 20-except sit by the phone and hope “he’ll call.” Lots of the people I know who are LOTS younger than me can’t keep up, so don’t cram a lot of preconceived ideas into a number-we have insurance companies to do that (gggrrr.)

I’ve learned age is relative. (yeah, what insight, huh?) Also, if you’re trying to varnish your number, you’re hanging with the wrong crowd.

OK, comments welcome, but remember, I don’t hate men, I actually know a few people in good relationships and I take my hat off to them, and there are old people around (though not necessarily 60) so please don’t comment if it is to tell me something I already know.

4 responses to “Bamboo is the new wood

  1. Carlin is dead, and I got a cat, too….9 of them.

    LOL! Katie…you be on a rant…but good on you, girl.

    I hear this…loud and clear. Where to begin?

    Well, age, it’ s a number and we have bought into numbers like it’s the lotto. I’m 61 and in better shape (except for very recently….annoying men issues…) than I was in my 40’s or 50’s.

    It’s a mental shape that’s what’s important…that we can by step the lies, the trolls, the assholes, ONLY because we didn’t at a particular point of our life.

    But! Breaking out of the rut of fashion/trend/morality (and boy, in the Souf, you get a load of that crap…) and I ain’t talking clothes here…but that too…and finally..FINALLY becoming your crazy old self and being happy and satisfied with that….

    Well, that’s Nirvana.

    Good blog, Katie….you are off to a marvelous start. Don’t ever let anyone try to convince you your blog should suffer anything you don’t want to do…make this a platform for YOU….and buck the trend of nice-nice out there.

    Lady Nyo (Jane to you!)

  2. I’ve just read your blog, after reading what you said on ERWA about revisions and rewriting. I like it and have your blog on my list now. I especially loved the poem about the woman in the car worried about how her reading would go – I am a ‘performance poet’ at times and face an unknown audience, not knowing how my poem(s) will be received. This one resonated very strongly with me!

  3. hey Aunt Kathy,

    I can’t begin to tell you what makes me laugh or what I think is funny. I’ve come to realize that I have a ‘weird’ sense of humor. By weird, I mean that I don’t find half of the stuff funny that other people find funny. A lot of times, it just irritates me.

    As you know, it’s mainly for the child that I am staying. In the beginning of the relationship…the WAY beginning, he was rude and constantly insulted me. I don’t know why I stayed at that point. I am afflicted with this ‘give people the benefit of a doubt’ thing and trying to see everyone’s best side. At least I used to be. Now, hopefully, I won’t put up with it, but I am now only doing so because of the child.

    Anyway, I guess he was used to girls giggling and thinking he was cute and funny when he insulted them. I don’t find this behavior cute, I find it annoying and highly irritating. It makes me angry.

    Now he uses his health issues as an excuse.

    At least I have the child, and at least I have her away from him. For now.

    After we had been in the relationship for a little bit…in the ‘sort of’ beginning, he shaped up, and I thought he was changing and was not going to be as insulting. He changed back to treating me not-so-good once the relationship ‘got old’ for him. Now he assumes I will stay because of the child, and I guess he is right…he’s got me.

    Anyway, it really stinks the things we end up putting up with.

    As for my humor the part about contemplating sex with a child did make me laugh. It’s rare to find men who do actually mature. Most men make me seriously doubt the theory of evolution is a valid one. Most men do not act like they HAVE evolved.

    I’m not sure why, but I find myself getting irritated when people use the latest “slang” or the trendiest “words”. All I can think is…can you not think for yourself and come up with anything better to say?

    And one of the good things about age is the wisdom we gain with it, and the ability that is hopefully gained along with that not to repeat the same mistakes over again.

    If something happens, and I move on or this doesn’t work out, I will NEVER accept treatment like that from a guy, and I will NEVER put up with that again.

  4. Hurray for you!! Sometimes I think the best thing about getting older, maturing, is that I am getting stronger. I can make committments to myself-like you-that I don’t have to deal with crap to be in a relationship. And yeah, it’s been my experience that if you have to get a guy to “shape up” it’s not gonna last…

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